The Hardest Parts of Trying

 

I almost didn’t do this post. But the other night, I was out with a group of ladies and one of the younger ones spoke of the horrors of trying to get pregnant. My story for trying to conceive Jake would likely fall into that category. We’re not talking like “Paranormal Activity” horror, more of “I know what you did last Summer”.  It falls into the category, but it could have been much darker. That said, it didn’t mean I didn’t have days where I thought my body failed me, or I just wanted to (or did) cry on my couch all day. 

Cale and I basically said right after we were married, now the baby can come. I’m not saying you can’t have a baby before you’re married, just for us, we didn’t really think of it until after. Well five years passed with this approach. I had been on discussion boards, where women were wondering why they hadn’t gotten their BFP (big fat positive). I learned what IVF, and clomid were. I learned that some times you can’t see the line early on. I learned about Vitex, Maca, Red Raspberry leaf. It’s insane all the things you learn about trying to conceive, while trying to conceive. I did research, I (luckily) found credible natural fertility information sources. I started on a strict routine, and did it for a full year, still no baby (we’re up to 6 years total now by the way). 

We went to a specialist who tested us and had little bedside manner. I was basically spoken to like I was stupid and told nothing was wrong with either of us (this is false by the way) and sent on our way. I started to implement supplements, and this went for another while. In May of 2017, I was sure I was going to get my BFP…and did not. However this was the first time that I didn’t get discouraged about it. 

Part of my strict routine included using an ovulation test twice a day. In case you don’t know this, you shouldn’t get many positives…like two on average. I had a week’s worth, and didn’t think much of it, but asked in the group I was part of. I remember getting home from work, and seeing the one response I got, “Take a pregnancy test”. I did, and sure enough, I was pregnant with who I now know to be Jake. This came one month short of two years on that routine. 

It was rough emotionally to get to that point, but maybe that’s why there wasn’t a single complaint out of me in my first pregnancy (and I had plenty to complain about). Meanwhile there are women who have to stick themselves for a chance and that doesn’t always work out. I got lucky I was able to make this work with my routine and supplement. But it doesn’t take away the tears shed, or the time I sat numb waiting for my baby. And he was worth the wait, and if I hadn’t had to wait, I wouldn’t have my amazing, smart, funny, kind, playful little boy. But it was hard, and worth it, every second, every tear. Worth it. 

Mama Bear Out 

PS, for those interested, this was the routine

Wake:

Fertility Yoga

Fertility Meditation

Fertility smoothie

Maca supplement (btw took raw powder at one point, and it killed my digestive system)

Prenatal Vitamin

Ovulation test

Lunch:

Fertility friendly salad

Evening: 

Caster Oil Pack

Fertility message

Ovulation test

My 3ft Wreath

Pictured above is my new 3ft wreath I made. We decided that this year, we would commit to one tree, the one in the basement. If I get up a second, fine, but I'd we head into the holidays with little to no time, I would rather focus on time with the boys than decorations. I  decided a while ago I  wanted a big wreath to take the place of the missing tree in the window. I looked up 3ft wreaths and you're going to break $100 if you buy one already made. Today I spent $6 out of pocket.

Jake and I went to the dollar store and bought a hula hoop and 2 pool noodles. I popped the hula hoop open, poured out the stuff that makes noise, and slid the noodles on. I could have made the wreath bigger had I left the noodles intact, but I wanted the wreath to fit in the frame of my window, so I cut off a portion. I used packing tape to secure the noodles in place. Then I dug out some garland. I used a cheaper dollar store kind for filler and then 4 or 5 (I can't remember) of the green stuff with the branches that resemble an artificial tree. The pics I had bought at the dollar store last year. I had a bunch of lights from last year, and the ribbon was kicking around.

Even if I had bought all of these items (some I will need to replace) it would have still come I'm at less than $50 (based off the price I paid for all the items) Good project done, and I think it looks great. Pictures of the process below!

Mama Bear Out 

Leon Day

Happy Leon Day! Well...yesterday. yesterday marked 6 months until Christmas 2021, and I am amped! Anyone who knows me knows I am a Christmas nut. Well today I celebrate that we are closed to this coming Christmas, than last. This year brings the hope we will be with our families again. I don’t want to see an ornament with 2021 that sport toilet paper and face masks. 

I have Christmas on my mind frequently, so much I am part of a Christmas group on fb, and I have been enjoying my Christmas fix all year. I’m even going so far as to organize a gift exchange on the group. We have people on there from all over the world and I put out feelers to see if there was any interest, and it was overwhelming. We had people from Denmark, Germany, Australia, South Africa, and or course I expected the USA to be the overwhelming majority. So, I already have the Facebook page for that, and it will go live in September. 

Another thing that I will of course kick off in September is my Christmas planning blog. I have been planning my planning. I pretty well have the series mapped out for the year. Every year is different from the year before because I find things to tweak, or my priorities change (kids, am I right). Last year’s series was exciting to me because Jake was getting in on the action. This year will be even better, because he can get in on more, and this year Brock will be a little more alert (probably not getting in on it like Jake, but still in there). In the years I did this before the kids, I had no concept of the stressful side of the holidays. I have a better idea now, but I still move forward as always, and feel that this planning series helps to alleviate some of the stress. If this is something that appeals to you, keep your eyes opened for upcoming posts. There will likely be a couple more teasers before it all gets going, but I am very excited. 

Mama Bear Out

How We have Dealt with Sibling Rivalry

 

Sibling rivalry. It was a major fear of mine before Brock was born. Jake had been center stage, and now would have to share that spotlight. I do not expect it to always be this way, but Jake has done exceptionally well with accepting his little brother. Because was so worried about this, I thought I would do a post on things we did to help prepare Jake for Brock.

When we were trying to have Jake, I had a little box with baby things ready to go for when I told Cale I was pregnant. Knowing we would be trying again soon; I bought a book called “I’m going to be a big brother” and put it aside. On the day I realized, I brought the book to Cale and asked him to read it to Jake. This was also how we told Cale’s parents. This book was read to Jake a couple of times. We also had a book called waiting for baby. I don’t know how effective either book was just reading it to Jake, but I think I learned from it to be honest.

During my pregnancy, I would talk about the baby in mommy’s tummy. I would get him to listen to my stomach and feel when the baby kicked. Also, we weren’t sharing the name, but Jake was allowed in on the secret, which he thought was cool. I would talk to him about the new baby, and how I might need his help, and the responsibilities of being a big brother. We explained the baby would be very small, cry a lot and need Mommy a lot too. These were regular chats, and that helped get him excited. He started to ask when the baby was coming. We also told him Nana was going to stay with him when Mommy and Daddy were at the hospital, this was a huge deal too. This was setting the groundwork. We also had a gift for Jake to receive from the baby when they met. Jake can still tell you who gave him this toy and when. 

After Brock was born, a couple things happened. We tried to avoid being outnumbered. If I had Brock, Cale had Jake, or the other way around. All attention was rarely on the baby. If I were solo with them (or Cale, but it was more frequently me), turns were taken as much as possible. If I was feeding Brock, Jake would have to wait his turn. BUT if I was getting Jake dressed and Brock starting crying in his bouncer, I made sure I said “Brock, you have to wait your turn, I’m taking care of Jake right now”. I think this act has made a HUGE difference. Because it’s not all about baby, I have two babies, one just needs me less than the other, but he still needs me. Another major factor has been involving Jake. If I need to change Brock, I would ask Jake to grab a diaper, or dispose of a wet one for me. I would ask him to give Brock, toys or do something to make him laugh. Lately he likes to give his brother his bottle. If I can make Jake feel like part of it, that’s really the goal.

Finally, I make Jake time. This one isn’t always easy. Cale will play with play doh with him. We have gone out for Jake and Mom dates to a store and gotten hash browns at A&W together (the relevance is my dad used to do this with my brother and I). We’ve coloured, painted, baked, planted seeds, worked on our garden. Just something that is just for he and I. 

I’ve been very conscious about him not feeling overlooked or ignored. I can’t say I am perfect, but these efforts have made the rivalry virtually non-existent…for now…

Mama Bear out

Ode to Cale

Today is my other half’s Birthday. The unsung hero of my life. There is a lot of attention given to a mom when she has kids, little is given to a father. I realize it’s not the case in all situations, but in ours Cale is an invisible hero, and this didn’t start when the boys were born. He had to cover a lot during pregnancy. Also he had to guide me quietly through the hardest time of my life, after dad died. He typically works 12 hour days with little sleep, and if he does get more than 4 hours, it’s mostly on the couch (because he falls asleep). 

I assure you, he doesn’t get the recognition he deserves. He works hard in and out of our house, has very little time to himself, and has a toddler who goes out of his way to test him (they’re going to  be fun when he’s a teenager).

Then there is me. He deals with my moods, my sarcasm, and my “great ideas”. Oh yeah, and this man lives with year round Christmas planning. He pretty much goes along with all my plans, I might get an eye roll here or there, but he typically goes with it.  

What’s more, he asks for very little, in fact he asks what he can do to help. For these reasons and more, I will take this post today to thank him for all he does for me, for our boys and our fuzzy girl.

Today I wish him the best day. We didn’t have a great weekend (he was the only one not sick), so here’s hoping father’s day will be better.

-Mama Bear out

It Derailed me, and it's Common

Going into parenthood, there were a lot of things that are a little more standard that Cale and I didn’t know. Like we asked a nurse how to pick the baby’s butt up so get underneath when changing the diaper (I feel like we got judgement for that one). But one thing we didn’t know about that would actually impact us was Jaundice. Both boys had it, but Brock barely had it at all…to the extent that one nurse argued that he didn’t with me until a doctor confirmed it. Jake did have it, to the point we were readmitted. 

Jaundice is one thing I wish I had a little more knowledge about prior to Jake being born.  I felt like I had done something wrong when we were readmitted. I was fighting back the tears and must have been failing because the woman at the mother/baby clinic became a lot gentler with me in a hurry. I thought the doctor was going to come in and tell me how horrible of a mother I was. I thought I had failed to keep my son healthy, and jaundice is so common, especially in babies born early. 

I have mentioned on this blog more than once, I struggled with nursing, and jaundice was a key component. Thank God I had an appointment with the mother/baby clinic as often as I did because they got to a point of telling me not to kill myself trying to get him to latch because Jaundice was going to fight me. 

If I could go back and tell myself something it would be that Jaundice is normal and will be a major obstacle in the beginning of motherhood for you. And it would not have made any difference. Who I was back then is completely different. I took it all personal then, I was terrified (normal) and didn’t trust that I was the best person for the job of raising Jake (I sobbed and apologized for being terrible more than once). I’m not going to claim I believe this 100% of the time now, but I would give myself a solid 85% now. 

Mama Bear out!