How We have Dealt with Sibling Rivalry

 

Sibling rivalry. It was a major fear of mine before Brock was born. Jake had been center stage, and now would have to share that spotlight. I do not expect it to always be this way, but Jake has done exceptionally well with accepting his little brother. Because was so worried about this, I thought I would do a post on things we did to help prepare Jake for Brock.

When we were trying to have Jake, I had a little box with baby things ready to go for when I told Cale I was pregnant. Knowing we would be trying again soon; I bought a book called “I’m going to be a big brother” and put it aside. On the day I realized, I brought the book to Cale and asked him to read it to Jake. This was also how we told Cale’s parents. This book was read to Jake a couple of times. We also had a book called waiting for baby. I don’t know how effective either book was just reading it to Jake, but I think I learned from it to be honest.

During my pregnancy, I would talk about the baby in mommy’s tummy. I would get him to listen to my stomach and feel when the baby kicked. Also, we weren’t sharing the name, but Jake was allowed in on the secret, which he thought was cool. I would talk to him about the new baby, and how I might need his help, and the responsibilities of being a big brother. We explained the baby would be very small, cry a lot and need Mommy a lot too. These were regular chats, and that helped get him excited. He started to ask when the baby was coming. We also told him Nana was going to stay with him when Mommy and Daddy were at the hospital, this was a huge deal too. This was setting the groundwork. We also had a gift for Jake to receive from the baby when they met. Jake can still tell you who gave him this toy and when. 

After Brock was born, a couple things happened. We tried to avoid being outnumbered. If I had Brock, Cale had Jake, or the other way around. All attention was rarely on the baby. If I were solo with them (or Cale, but it was more frequently me), turns were taken as much as possible. If I was feeding Brock, Jake would have to wait his turn. BUT if I was getting Jake dressed and Brock starting crying in his bouncer, I made sure I said “Brock, you have to wait your turn, I’m taking care of Jake right now”. I think this act has made a HUGE difference. Because it’s not all about baby, I have two babies, one just needs me less than the other, but he still needs me. Another major factor has been involving Jake. If I need to change Brock, I would ask Jake to grab a diaper, or dispose of a wet one for me. I would ask him to give Brock, toys or do something to make him laugh. Lately he likes to give his brother his bottle. If I can make Jake feel like part of it, that’s really the goal.

Finally, I make Jake time. This one isn’t always easy. Cale will play with play doh with him. We have gone out for Jake and Mom dates to a store and gotten hash browns at A&W together (the relevance is my dad used to do this with my brother and I). We’ve coloured, painted, baked, planted seeds, worked on our garden. Just something that is just for he and I. 

I’ve been very conscious about him not feeling overlooked or ignored. I can’t say I am perfect, but these efforts have made the rivalry virtually non-existent…for now…

Mama Bear out