Ode to Nana

           

           About a week before Brock was born, "Nana" has been staying with us, and has played a vital role in our day to day lives. The last week of my pregnancy we had a couple of unscheduled hospital visits. There was no stress because we could just leave Jake with her. Same can be said for when we went to deliver. I was more stressed leaving the dog when we delivered Jake (no offense Scott) than I was leaving Jake to have Brock. 

            Then of course there was coming home. Cale and I exhausted caring for this tiny person and ALL the newborn appointments. Still no stress, Jake was with Nana. We're not drowning in laundry or piles of dishes, because Nana is handling it. I'm not messing meals because Nana is getting in her Brock snuggles. Also, Nana is doing the cooking, so everyone is still clothed, fed, and bathed, because Nana is doing Jake's baths too. She also is putting him to bed 75% of the time.

           Alice is also getting her exercise and seems happy and content. Nana has been a life saver, and I hope she knows how much we have appreciated her being with us. As of Sunday, the playing field is getting leveled. Nana goes home, and get some much needed and deserved rest. Nana has made it so we can transition into parents of two easier and leaves us confident to face this head on. 

            Thank you Nana 

Second child guilt

           

One of the biggest struggles I had during my pregnancy was guilt. I felt guilty I was nauseous all the time, and when I wasn't nauseous, I was tired. I felt guilty i struggle to get on the floor to pay with Jake. But my biggest struggle was feeling by having the baby, I was taking away from Jake. 

           I had read all the articles about how your heart grows bigger, and your kid gains more. For me it was the fact my attention was going to be divided, and feeling tired and nauseous, that felt like a well that had gotten a lot more shallow. None of these things were helping.

            Finally one day, I looked in the mirror, I'm a big sister. Did I ever feel unloved, or like I was missing love that was supposed to be mine...not that I can recall. Then I tried to think what my childhood would have been like as an only child...and flat out, I didn't want to. My brother was the one who was ALWAYS there. When we were dropped off at our grandparents. Or Christmas morning when we were too excited to sleep, but dad said it was too early to get up, we'd stay together. I'm not here to trash being an only child, I didn't experience it, I don't know what the high points are. But I know for me, my childhood was better because my brother was in it. I wanted this for Jake. So, I started to nurture that relationship before it came, guilt free.

          I should mention, as I type this, it's been 31 years since I became a big sister. Happy Birthday Peter!

           K, luv ya, bye

           Nancy

Less than a Month

         Yesterday was my Birthday and I realized...I'm less than a month away from getting started for Christmas, and of course doing my blog.

          This will mark my 5th year doing the series and have things ever changed in that time. We went from an apartment to a house. We went from just Cale and I to having a kid. This year we have two. 

 

         The year Jake was born he was six months old when the series started and it was my first year I went into it saying, we'll see how this goes. Well Brock will be one month when I start this year, so let me emphasize it. 

          My blog is an outlet for me, and anything that has me planning for Christmas makes me exceptionally happy, so I'm trying to make my posts a priority. 

           Wanted to share this little teaser because I have my plan mapped out and I am excited to get going next month

     

         K, Luv Ya, Bye 

         Nancy

Good Lord the Hormones

         I know they discuss postpartum depression in like all the baby classes, but I don't think they really cover the baby blues. Not to the extent I think maybe they should anyway, and the difference between them and ppd. 

        Our second son Brock came into our lives last week and it's been a blur since. When Jake was born, I'm 99% sure I had undid postpartum depression. Not wanting to feel that way again, my mental health was a priority with me. My husband and sister in-law are both on high alert for me. 

         But here is the problem, baby blues. In the beginning your hormones are a mess. You can cry easily. I find myself not wanting to cry for fear of it being ppd. It feels different from last time. Last time I felt like I was messing everything up, and useless, and I couldn't leave my house, because I would lose control of everything if I did...and then I felt isolated if I didn't leave the house...then later, I felt like I lost myself, and to and extent I did. That is what ppd felt like for me.

         My experience this time has felt different. Brock is a week old and has been on 2 walks, one was a spontaneous adventure to take Jake to see boats. Spontaneous would have caused a meltdown with my first pregnancy. I have gotten overwhelmed with stuff not related to the boys at all. My support system noted this and it is something that's been noted. Also noted is my lack of sleep playing into it. My biggest trigger for water works is actually Jake. Between the sweet things he says and does with me and his brother, it doesn't take much. Then there is remembering. For example, tears are running down my face right now...Brock is laying on my chest asleep and I remember this with Jake. What's more I remember that time being a struggle, and wishing for an easier time to come...so mom guilt plays in too. 

        Right now my mental health is so hard to gauge. When I cry I analyze it every time, baby blues or ppd? I think it's my biggest struggle right now. I wanted to share this, because yeah it's not talked about. But also, this blog has always been a therapy for me, and it feels good to write these things. So there it is. My struggle to define, Postpartum Depression, or "Just Baby Blues"

         K, Luv ya, Bye

         Nancy