Second child guilt

           

One of the biggest struggles I had during my pregnancy was guilt. I felt guilty I was nauseous all the time, and when I wasn't nauseous, I was tired. I felt guilty i struggle to get on the floor to pay with Jake. But my biggest struggle was feeling by having the baby, I was taking away from Jake. 

           I had read all the articles about how your heart grows bigger, and your kid gains more. For me it was the fact my attention was going to be divided, and feeling tired and nauseous, that felt like a well that had gotten a lot more shallow. None of these things were helping.

            Finally one day, I looked in the mirror, I'm a big sister. Did I ever feel unloved, or like I was missing love that was supposed to be mine...not that I can recall. Then I tried to think what my childhood would have been like as an only child...and flat out, I didn't want to. My brother was the one who was ALWAYS there. When we were dropped off at our grandparents. Or Christmas morning when we were too excited to sleep, but dad said it was too early to get up, we'd stay together. I'm not here to trash being an only child, I didn't experience it, I don't know what the high points are. But I know for me, my childhood was better because my brother was in it. I wanted this for Jake. So, I started to nurture that relationship before it came, guilt free.

          I should mention, as I type this, it's been 31 years since I became a big sister. Happy Birthday Peter!

           K, luv ya, bye

           Nancy