Second Born Excitement?

         I haven't done a post in a very long time. I talk with my sister in law regularly, and she has been doing  her blog. Basically every one of her posts hits close to home for me. We were talking about how therapeutic writing these posts can be. So here I am. I'm currently letting my washer run to clean it out, and taking some me time with my blog.

         Mom guilt is so incredibly real. Since getting pregnant one that has come back to me again and again is, in having a second child, what am I taking away from my first? I think it hits me hard, because I'm a first born. I look at my son and think how he's going to have to share everything now. His toys, his parent's time and attention. There are a couple things that remind me, my son is gaining, not missing out. One is being an older sibling myself. I try to imagine what growing up without my brother would have been like, and honestly I would have missed out on a lot of happy memories. And now I would be missing out on the person to look back on them and laugh.

        The other part comes from Jake himself. During this pandemic, He was stuck at him with me for 2 ish months. He's back at the sitter now and he's happier. He loves playing with the other kids so much. Not to mention he cuddles into my stomach to talk to his brother and asks me when he's coming. I'm not so naive to think it will all be smooth sailing with my boys, but my son isn't losing, he's gaining.

        This then brings about a new worry for me, will my second feel less loved? I don't think that he will be less loved in any way, shape or form, but will he feel that way? There's a "shinny and new" enthusiasm with a first born, and it seems like it's a little dulled for a second. He's not the first for anything, he's not even a different gender so he could ride that wave. We saved everything from Jake, so while we're well equipped ( in a pandemic, that's kind of amazing), there's really very little new stuff for this little guy, . I'm not saying he'll ever know, but I now have a fear that tip toes into my brain every so often that he won't feel as treasured as his brother.

         Parenting is always a balancing act, I'll do my best for both my boys, that I know. I also know that it won't always be the same thing, which I will have to remind myself more than once I'm sure. As I said though, Mom Guilt is real, so these fears will always be there too.

       K, Luv Ya, Bye

        Nancy