5 AM

It's 5AM, and Brock refuses to go back to sleep. I gave him a change, a bottle, a snuggle, and sang to him. This is usually a formula that has me back in bed in about 20 min. Not today. Today I am on the sectional couch in the basement, under a blanket beside him as he nurses another bottle, because he devoured the first. I took him down here because in my mind what would make this worse, would be waking his brother. I  put the wiggles on and put him in his bouncer, so I can get him a bottle and use the bathroom in peace.

I turn the wiggles off and give him another bottle. He finishes that and I check his bum, something smells funky. Clean, must've been an SBD. I burp him again and place him in his swing, wiggles are back, and I hope to lay down on the couch. 

At some point I will go start the coffee maker, that my dear husband sets up for me every morning after he gets up at a ridiculous hour and has his. I love him, he sends me a sympathetic text in response to my snarky "Brock is awake and refuses to go back to sleep" followed closely by "I just heard Alice take my spot on the bed, that bitch".

For the love of God, don't tell me one day I'll miss this. Honestly, that's so belittling. When some one needs to vent about any other topic, people let them, people support them. But when a parent is venting about something their kids did, it's mocked and diminished when people tell them, "one day you'll miss these moments". People say this when they miss their children being around all the time, but are far enough gone that they forget the undesirable moments. IF (and in this moment it's a big IF) I miss this, it's mine to discover, not for others to dictate to me. And I will even go so far as to agree, one day I will miss cuddles, and him wanting to be with me. But right now, in this moment more than anything, I miss my bed. 

K, Luv Ya, Bye 

Nancy