It's Not the Same as Last Time

 

         When Jake was born, he failed to latch for almost 2 months, then we had 8 months of uninterrupted nursing. I remember reading an article, that I should never had read, titled “One last time”. In this article, the woman wrote about the very last time she would nurse her baby, and how hard it was on her. If I am being honest, I did cry for my last session with Jake. BUT there was a little relief when I stopped nursing him, because those two months left a little tinge of resentment to nursing, and what was more, I knew the plan was I would be doing this again. 

Nearly two and a half years later, Brock comes along, and this time I knew what I was doing. I knew what went wrong in the first hours with Jake, and I was not going to let that happen again. Brock was nursing within the first hour of his life and doing a pretty good job might I add. There was supplementing once after one feed in the hospital, and it was like 30mls. He did skin on skin with me for the first 24 hours of his life. He came off me to be changed or check by a doctor or nurse other than that he was on me. He wasn’t allowed a pacifier or bottle until 6 weeks, so we knew we were good, and we were good. We were great! 

For the last month or so, Brock is showing more interest in the bottle than the breast. He latched for 3 gulps usually and screams at me, he has been miserable…except during his bottle feeds. He downs it like a champ and is usually chill. So, my plan was to try him with formula, and see how he is, just a couple feeds. Well, that was at the beginning of this week, I was going to slowly drop feeds over the next month, but Brock had other plans. He wants the bottle, and it is killing me. I wanted to go longer with him nursing, because I could this time, but my second born is far more independent than my first. He has gone bottle for all but one feed today. I am keeping my bedtime feed tonight. He will drop another tomorrow, and I’ll get my one last feed with him tomorrow night. 

I have been crying hysterically all day today because it’s not like last time.  I have no resentment to nursing this time, and I do not plan to have another baby to do this again. This is it, it is over. I never thought I would be this bad with him, I was so much better when he moved into his own room than I was with Jake moving, I thought (hoped) nursing would be the same. Instead, I am a blubbering mess. It is funny how different milestones hit you differently with different kids. 

              K, Luv Ya, Bye

Nancy